Cookery Special:Karundathi Broy Ulathiyathu

Its been a long time dream to write a cookery blog but I didn't want to repeat the same fish molly and chicken jolly that you see in every other recipe. On the quest for the perfect cookery recipe, I chanced upon a vegetable which will help me make an innovative recipe. This vegetable is called Karundathi Broy. Its usually grown in the inner parts of Kerala, most notably in Kottayam. The peculiarity of this variety is that only one of this kind is produced in a 100 years. It is as sour as a bittergourd, as hard as the toughest nut and makes your mouth itch like a pineapple, after you consume it. And taking its skin off can produce the same effect as peeling an onion. This peculiar dish is of the same ilk as of the famous karimeen ulathiyathu and doesn't have anything to do with the literal meaning of the popular malayalam colloquial word 'Ulathiyathu'.

Ingredients

25 m long boneless tongue(uncut) - 1
itchy character - 1 Bowl
knowledge seeds - 1/4 table spoon
Unpronouncable words paste - 1 dictionary full
India bashing oil - 1 Bucket full
army bashing concentrate - 1/2 Bucket
maoist support leaves - in adequate amounts
convicted terrorist support powder - more than adequate
'Holier than thou' attitude - 1 closet full
chilly powder - 1 kilo
Salt - 1 kilo

Preparation

Keep all the above ingredients ready on top of a newspaper(preferably a foreign one). All the operations in this preparation should only be done with your right hand as the human right hand can bring out special qualities in the vegetable. Wear gloves, eye protecting goggles and an apron. Wash Karundathi Broy in boiled water and spray some axe deo(because it stinks so bad). Now cut the top hairy portion of the vegetable and remove the part that looks like a human brain. It is useless in this particular preparation. You may use it as a football or yo-yo. Put the stove in maximum flame mode and heat the 'India bashing oil'. Cut the 'maoist support leaves' into small unrecognisable pieces and fry it in the heated up 'India bashing oil'. To reduce the flaring up and smoke, the 'army bashing concentrate' should be added at regular intervals during the entire preparation. Pulverise the 'knowledge seeds' and mix it well with the 'unpronouncable words paste'. The mix should be in the ratio of 5:95 of the former to the latter. Now put this mix into the frying pan containing the oil and leaves. Take the uncut boneless tongue and paste it all over with chilly powder and salt. Put this in the 'itchy character' bowl and mix well. Special care must be taken to ensure that the tongue is not harmed in anyway during the process. Add this also to the frying pan along with karundathi broy. Take a closet cleaning brush and mix the ingredients well. For added effect, the 'convicted terrorist support'powder can be spread over the mix. And when the mix gets a perfect uniform feel, take 'holier than thou attitude' from the closet and pour uniformly on to it. Keep it in the stove for 30 minutes.

This dish is best served hot. It is most enjoyed by people with a 'publicity hunger'. This dish is a preferred one in high society gatherings of human rights activists where they bitch about how bad India is.

Pic courtesy- Flickr

PS- Been out of blogs for a long time. My BSNL net connection is still down after 3 weeks. And I was also bombarded with a hell lot of work. And to top it all I lost my dear mobile phone which knows every secret about me in the last 4 years. The pain of losing so many contacts was pacified by the thought that I used it to the maximum. It has 3 missing switches, lots of lost paint and a hell lot of other malfunctions. Still I felt helpless when that idiot thief stole it from me last sunday at the majestic bus station in Bangalore. And to console myself, I ended creating a quote- "A lost phone is anyday better than a lost p****s". :)