The theory of improbable probabilities  

Posted by Praveen in

(also known as the theory of free interchangeability)
Warning-Can cause brain damage due to its unending possibilities...

Those who have seen Pranav Mistry's insanely brilliant presentation at this year's TED talk in Mysore will be knowing the unlimitedness of human imaginations and possibilities. His 'sixth sense' invention is one of the greatest ideas that I've heard in recent times. Viewing that video yesterday night(and with some gentle reminder from a good friend on the phone), I remembered about the 'theory of improbable probabilities' that I developed in college. Its a pity that the guys at TED missed this idea considering its far reaching implications. This theory is as flexible as the elastic of a 1995 model 95 inch VIP frenchie and can be applied in any field.

It all took birth in my elephant sized brain about 3 years back on an exam eve. As usual, we started our studies on the evening of the day before the exam after a day full of teen comedy movies. The time was past midnight. There were almost 10 of us at Raja's home. Everyone was worried about the pile of notes remaining to be read. Some were half asleep. I was staring at the ceiling. Suddenly it struck me and before thinking much more on it, I blurted it out to the world for the first time- "Guys, What if today was tomorrow and tomorrow was today? Our exams are over now...Rejoice!!!" As they say, every great mind was ridiculed during his time. Socrates was stoned, Copernicus was beaten up...same thing happened with the brilliant me. But this didn't deter me. I came up with more theories on the same line which were well recieved with brickbats. Some more on the same line...

*"What if work was salary and salary was work? We would be getting salary every day and work only at the end of the month"

*"what if land was sea and sea was land?We would've so much more space to live and in turn real estate prices will be at their minimum, say 1 rupee for 1 acre."

*"what if India was pakistan and Pakistan was India? Today would've been Kasab's 1st death anniversary and lashkar would be referred in past tense"

*"what if rock music was carnatic and carnatic was rock music? Kirk Hammet and his likes will be sitting on the floor with a guitar on their laps and M.S.Subbalakshmi would've been headbanging."

*"what if face was ass and ass was face? Everyone would be a member of assbook. And kicking ass won't be a thing which everyone can do. And the dialogue- your ass looks so awesome- wouldn't get your ass kicked"

*"what if Bal thackerey was Manmohan singh and Manmohan singh was Bal thackerey during 26/11? Nothing would change. Maximum we can expect is a useless article in his yellow saffron mag saamna"


Many more applications of this theory are there. Not posting it because of its highly adult nature. Do contribute your own ideas of this theiry :P

your crusader Praveen

Stitched shoe & human nature  

Posted by Praveen in

These days am obsessed with human nature, the way people behave differently to a particular situation. This started after watching the Charlie Kaufman movie 'Human nature', although the subject matter of the movie is entirely different. So, what do you think is the situation or object that I selected for this interesting and confusing study? Yes, its none another than my stitched woodland shoes. People who have met me might have noticed 2 ugly stitches on top of my shoes. How it came there is a story that goes back almost an year, around the time I bought the shoes. One day I woke up to see this shocking hole on top of my shoe, kept in a shoe rack. Obviously, a rat attack. Me not being a crorepati, I didn't throw away the shoes. Instead got it stitched from the cobbler. Some months later the other shoe met with the same fate. Now it started looking like an intentional stitch with both shoes sporting almost the same stitch. Anyway, my unclean shoes with those 2 stitches looks highly repulsive and doesn't like anything like an office goer's shoes.

So, let me get into how this is related with human behaviour. Its how people react when they see this particularly repulsive thing I proudly wear on my legs. When I walk along the street or stand somewhere or sit at the foodcourt, I've caught almost everyone passing me looking at the shoe. I'll classify the various reactions.

1. The slow and secret look- This is my favourite. These people strain their eyes and steal a glance at the shoe out of the corner of their eye. Some try too hard that their eyes almost go inside their ears. Some people end up with a look of contempt. Some just laugh privately at this beggar wearing a tie and listening to an ipod. These are the introvert, sometimes narrow minded people. They keep everything to themselves and form their own opinions without knowing the complete facts.

2. The In the face look- These people are mostly strangers to me. But they don't think twice before staring at the shoe and giving me 'The look'(called 'neglect look' in our local dialect spoken by a maximum of 10 people). They are the people who think themselves as perfect(while themselves wearing a torn socks or u/w) and appoint themselves to judge others.

3. The loudmouths- 'Man, what the hell are you wearing?', 'Is this professional?', 'Can't you buy a new shoe?' are some common reactions from loudmouths, mostly people I know. The trick is just to avoid the questions with a sweet smile. Its the same in everything in life. Just avoid this loudmouthed people. :)

4. The BBCs- If your mother-in-law's auntie's daughter's long lost friend rings you up and asks you about your torn shoe, chances are that your shoes have been noticed 1 minute back by a BBC(Bitching broadcasting corporation). These are the people who will tell whomever they meet about your torn shoe.

5. The straightforwards- They just ask "what happened to your shoe?", hear what you say and leave the matter behind. As simple as that.

6. The blabbermouths- They ask you about the shoe and gives you a history lesson on their own torn shoes. The talk will end with some 'gyaan' on the shoe thrown at George Bush or P Chidambaram.


People who find themselves in a classification they don't like, please forgive me. Its not your fault, its all because of my torn shoe. More studies will be done using more such objects. And now you know the reason why am still wearing that one year after it was torn. Here's a snap of the legendary shoe..

PS- I feel this is a very boring post. I was dying to write something and could come up only with this. Anyway I posted it...

your crusader Praveen

Octoberfest:motherjane,TAAQ n Indian Ocean! A Treat!  

Posted by Praveen in , , , ,

Octoberfest 2009, the annual rock rock fest of Bangalore modelled along the lines of the famous German Ocktoberfest was a veritable treat this time around. 23 of India's best bands were in town to give a treat to Bangaloreans over 3 days. Due to my trip to Manipal for another rock fest, I could catch only the last day of the fest. I missed out on bands like avial which played over the first 2 days. But that one evening was enough to satisfy my apetite as 3 of my all time favorite bands played on the same stage one after the other on the final evening. motherjane, Thermal And A Quarter(TAAQ) and Indian Ocean made palace grounds the place to be on oct 25 and left the audience craving for more.

I've no more words to say about motherjane. They've used up all my words with show after show of unparalleled brilliance. The story was not much different here. We, the janeheads, went with our faces half painted and wearing our custom made 'AMAJANIAC' T shirts. motherjane's following has increased manifold over the past year and it was evident from the big crowd which was there screaming out their names and singing along the lyrics. As always, it was a clinical performance peppered with their trademark friendliness and warm vibes. There were many moments when I thought of hurling the camera away and jumping to the middle of the crowd. Yes, concerts are best enjoyed when you are right in the middle of the pandemonium rather than just walking around clicking from inside the press box. Towards the end of motherjane's show, vocalist Suraj came down from the stage to meet the audience.

motherjane on stage

motherjane-suraj-chasing the sun









motherjane fans in high spirits

suraj with the crowd

The second band of the night was Thermal And A Quarter(TAAQ). Bruce Lee Mani and his funky band is easy on the airs. Be it the song that describes the life of a software engineer or the funny drinking song sprinkled with bruce's burps, they had the audience in a 'forget-everything-else-and-chill out' mood all the way. Their regular bassist was not available but the replacement guy was also as precise as a machine. A highlight of this year's fest was the visuals that accompanied each song in the background. motherjane's visuals were a shade better than the others because it was mostly exact representations of the song's theme.


TAAQ-Bruce Lee Mani

TAAQ-Rajeev Rajagopal

TAAQ-Bruce, up close

TAAQ
TAAQ

The final band of the night was Indian Ocean. From the time I heard Kandisa many years back, its been a dream to watch this socially conscious band live. And that long wait was worth it. They were missing their lead singer cum Tablist Ashim Chakravforthy rom the line up because he suffered a heart attack and was in a coma back in Qatar. His deep vocals were surely missed in this show. But the stand in vocalist and the tablist did a good job. Rahul Ram was oozing with passion as he sung his throat out and at the same time churning out those majestic bass lines. Hearing him sing the lines 'kise kaafir kahega...' from the black Friday song 'Bandeh' gave me goosebumps. Anyone who has ever heard Indian Ocean won't have any doubts on the brilliance and uniqueness of their guitarist Susmit Sen. All those legendary solos were reproduced to perfection on stage. And Amit Kilam, the drummer sometimes left his drums to play some weird percussion instrument(the name of which I dont know), most notably in the song 'maarewa'. And, he proved to be an allrounder as he played the flute in one song too. The crowd went berserk for the most popular song of theirs, 'Kandisa'. Surely this was one of the best ever nights of Indian rock in Bangalore.

Indian ocean- "Kise Kaaaafir Kahegaaaaaaaaaaa"

Indian ocean-Amit Kilam,Rahul Ram,Susmit Sen and the 2 stand in artists for Ashim

Indian ocean-Amit on the flutes, Rahul Ram taming the bass

Indian ocean-Rahul Ram...intensity personified

Indian ocean

The only bad thing was that the 'great indian rock fest' also happened on the same day at the same venue. We could hear the sounds from there when the music stopped here. And sometimes the lights too. The GIR also had a great lineup including international bands from Norway and Sweden. But it was never hard to decide which fest to attend. Yes, Indian rock is too hard to resist. And it has begun its much awaited rise...

Now to the posing part!!!I switched off the cam and gleefully posed with the stalwarts!

me,Raja,Navi and Nikhil with Bruce Lee Mani of TAAQ

me,Sanjeev Thomas(Guitarist-A.R.Rahman,Rainbow bridge),motherjane Clyde,John,Nikhil,Navi

janeheads with Amit Kilam, Indian Ocean's drummer

me,Navi,Nikhil with motherjane Baiju and Benny Dayal

Nikhil and me with Rajeev Rajagopal of TAAQ

with Indian Ocean

Sorry to bombard you with such a big collection of pics. Forgive me until the next big rock fest :)

your crusader Praveen

Cookery Special:Karundathi Broy Ulathiyathu  

Posted by Praveen in ,


Its been a long time dream to write a cookery blog but I didn't want to repeat the same fish molly and chicken jolly that you see in every other recipe. On the quest for the perfect cookery recipe, I chanced upon a vegetable which will help me make an innovative recipe. This vegetable is called Karundathi Broy. Its usually grown in the inner parts of Kerala, most notably in Kottayam. The peculiarity of this variety is that only one of this kind is produced in a 100 years. It is as sour as a bittergourd, as hard as the toughest nut and makes your mouth itch like a pineapple, after you consume it. And taking its skin off can produce the same effect as peeling an onion. This peculiar dish is of the same ilk as of the famous karimeen ulathiyathu and doesn't have anything to do with the literal meaning of the popular malayalam colloquial word 'Ulathiyathu'.

Ingredients

25 m long boneless tongue(uncut) - 1
itchy character - 1 Bowl
knowledge seeds - 1/4 table spoon
Unpronouncable words paste - 1 dictionary full
India bashing oil - 1 Bucket full
army bashing concentrate - 1/2 Bucket
maoist support leaves - in adequate amounts
convicted terrorist support powder - more than adequate
'Holier than thou' attitude - 1 closet full
chilly powder - 1 kilo
Salt - 1 kilo

Preparation
Keep all the above ingredients ready on top of a newspaper(preferably a foreign one). All the operations in this preparation should only be done with your right hand as the human right hand can bring out special qualities in the vegetable. Wear gloves, eye protecting goggles and an apron. Wash Karundathi Broy in boiled water and spray some axe deo(because it stinks so bad). Now cut the top hairy portion of the vegetable and remove the part that looks like a human brain. It is useless in this particular preparation. You may use it as a football or yo-yo. Put the stove in maximum flame mode and heat the 'India bashing oil'. Cut the 'maoist support leaves' into small unrecognisable pieces and fry it in the heated up 'India bashing oil'. To reduce the flaring up and smoke, the 'army bashing concentrate' should be added at regular intervals during the entire preparation. Pulverise the 'knowledge seeds' and mix it well with the 'unpronouncable words paste'. The mix should be in the ratio of 5:95 of the former to the latter. Now put this mix into the frying pan containing the oil and leaves. Take the uncut boneless tongue and paste it all over with chilly powder and salt. Put this in the 'itchy character' bowl and mix well. Special care must be taken to ensure that the tongue is not harmed in anyway during the process. Add this also to the frying pan along with karundathi broy. Take a closet cleaning brush and mix the ingredients well. For added effect, the 'convicted terrorist support'powder can be spread over the mix. And when the mix gets a perfect uniform feel, take 'holier than thou attitude' from the closet and pour uniformly on to it. Keep it in the stove for 30 minutes.

This dish is best served hot. It is most enjoyed by people with a 'publicity hunger'. This dish is a preferred one in high society gatherings of human rights activists where they bitch about how bad India is.

Pic courtesy- Flickr

PS- Been out of blogs for a long time. My BSNL net connection is still down after 3 weeks. And I was also bombarded with a hell lot of work. And to top it all I lost my dear mobile phone which knows every secret about me in the last 4 years. The pain of losing so many contacts was pacified by the thought that I used it to the maximum. It has 3 missing switches, lots of lost paint and a hell lot of other malfunctions. Still I felt helpless when that idiot thief stole it from me last sunday at the majestic bus station in Bangalore. And to console myself, I ended creating a quote- "A lost phone is anyday better than a lost p****s". :)